Today I dropped the kids off at school for a half day whilst I went to work for a few hours. We had a scheduled doctor’s appointment for Tyler down the Hill in the afternoon and it was going to take up the rest of the day to get there and back.
Tyler was born on his due date – a normal, healthy and strong kid, but he was also born with a heart condition called Supra-Ventricular-Tachycardia (SVT). This heart condition is not really life-threatening, but for any parent it is no doubt a stressful and sometimes scary experience to deal with, especially when your child spends 2 weeks in the NICU. I know I can speak for Tyler’s mom, it was one of the most difficult challenges [we] had to manage and adjust our lives around.
But Tyler is a fighter, he is strong, determined and lives without fear – see the previous post Stepping off the spring board. I am so proud of Tyler for his ability to adapt to the condition, dedication to take his medication every day and night, and for his sense of humor about life. He’s just 3 years old, but I see him growing into a great man. He probably does not really know why his parents were so loving and caring of him the last 3 years, maybe our parenting has shown both the children we really love them regardless. But I also want to give his sister Bella some praise too. Annabella was at the hospital every day to see her brother. Even though Tyler’s mom stayed by his side every waking minute; Bella & Dad would visit every day to see them both and just be a support for Tyler and his mom.
I remember the day after Tyler was born and we found out about the SVT, I bought Bella a baby doll, it was very real and life-like - it could actually pee, cry and laugh if you played or nurtured the baby the right way. We prepared Bella for Tyler’s arrival home and she did a great job to help mom, take care of Ty, and love him as her brother. Today, Bella & Ty are ‘best friends!’ I am so proud of them both and I hope to encourage them to stay close as they grow older.
Today the Cardiologist gave Tyler a full “all clear” for his heart condition. We’ve prayed for Tyler’s recovery everyday during the last 3 years. Recently we stopped Tyler’s medication that regulated his heart rate and he has done very well to adapt to the change. No episodes to date. The cardiologist sees him growing up and not having another SVT episode, but the chances are slim for a recurrence about less than 5%. Isn’t God amazing, He is a loving and healing God!
But today, I have been struggling with my heart – No, I don’t have any heart condition or illness, but more of a heart ‘dis-ease’ in my view and feelings towards the kids’ mom. Divorce is hard, no doubt about that, but it is even harder when you are genuinely trying to make the changes and transition from one family into two families easy on everyone, amicable between parents and always putting the best interest of our children first.
I am trying to be a supportive partner with the kid’s mom, but it doesn’t always get reciprocated back. I speak to many people about this divorce – family, friends, colleagues, pastors, attorneys and even stranger; but everyone has a different take on divorce and how it should be. I also seek counsel from our heavenly Father daily during my prayer time and scripture readings, and I always take away from [our] conversation that I need to admit my weaknesses and failures, be more supportive and understanding of others, keep a loving and gentle tone during conversations, be willing to forgive and seek forgiveness, allow time to heal our hurts, practice patience and continue to put God first.
I would like for you to pray for me today. Help me see the kid’s mom through Jesus’ eyes. Help me to practice patience and see the good qualities in people, rather than expect the worst and see every action as selfish and driven by motive. I know I can’t force people to work things out on my schedule, but I am trying and offering to open up the first line of communication to discuss parenting concerns and issues, without getting the past brought up. Maybe I need to give more time for us all to heal before I can see an improvement in our partnership as co-parents.
If you have some advice, please feel free to give counsel to me. I refer to scripture often when I am not ‘holy’ in my thoughts, words and deeds. Tonight… I am confused, hurt and feeling like I should give up on trying to make it work with the kid’s mom. Help me with this heart ‘dis-ease.’
Tonight I read my scripture that sums up everything about my life – “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails… And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” 1Corinthians 13:4-13
I pray that you all seek God’s good counsel and continue to put God first. Have a blessed evening. Vince
